Relationship & Trust

"Dear Graham, I been having relationship issues. I been finding myself unable to trust people and my self esteem has become low over the years. What can I do? Dating is so scary. - Tiffany H."


Tiffany,

Some people believe that being in a relationship is a waste of time, I believe people who say that haven't found the right person for them. I use to be that person, trying to understand why my previous relationships failed. I started to doubt the man I was, my self-esteem was low, I thought I was ugly. I had to have a long talk with myself. Sounds crazy , but it actually helps. Sometimes you have realize that the person that is holding you back from finding love is "YOU".  I spent three years just relaxing getting to know myself, dating with no relationship and believe it or not it was the best time of my life. You see relieved I had become extremely cold-hearted. I was mean, angry, anti- social, and I lose trust in people.

I did some alterations on my personality and appearance. I lost weight, cut my hair, and had more fun. It's nothing like doing a makeover to make you feel good about yourself. Your outside now reflect how you feel about yourself in the inside.  I finally figured out who i was and I accepted it. I loved myself, I learned to have fun again, I learned to trust people a little more with my heart but not fully yet. Then the unexpected happened, I met someone. In the beginning I was scared that if I put my heart out there it would just be broken again, and truth be told I couldn't handle that again, but i was wrong.

You see, we were friends first and if took a long while before we got together, but honestly I think that is the best thing to do in the beginning. I had a chance to get to know this person. We have ups and downs, but it was  definitely worth working on. I fell in love and it scared the shit out of me. You know the "What If " stage of a new relationship. What if they cheat, what if they don't love me the way I love them, what if they are still in love with someone else, or what if someone more attractive comes along and steals them a way from me. Once again I was starting to doubt who I was, the insecurities set in and I had to slap myself back in to reality. It was all in my head. It took awhile but I gave my heart to this person 100%.  There will always be fear in a relationship, but if you have confidence in yourself and who you are as a person; you will attract the right person for you. Trust me, it will be when you least expect it. Communication and trust is all you need to keep a relationship going. Also, you have to be happy with yourself. People see your confidence, your heart and your demeanor. Make sure you are taking care of yourself first.

I believe that a relationship will end quickly during the "what if" stage if you let it. If you are in a truly good relationship and you know in your heart that you are doing everything you are suppose to do; then you shouldn't wonder what if. You should wonder "what's next"  in this relationship. Focus on growth and passion.

Message to you: Relationship do not suck, you just have to make sure that you are happy with yourself.  Take time and ask yourself why does it suck, the answer might be staring at you in the mirror.


KEY TIPS

- Get to know Yourself
-Trust the person you love
-Stop Complaining and Do Something
-Say something if it Bothers you
-Don't let anyone make you feel worse than you already feel

I hope this article helped you. Just know you are beautiful. Let other people see the beauty in you. You will be ok.

With love,

Graham