The 3 D's: Dreams, Depression , and Disconnect. How do they affect your life?

"Hello my name is anonymous, I have been having  a hard time and I feel like I can not make it most days. I have bad dreams, I feel depressed and I can not reconnect with the people I love or people in general. Can you give me some advice?"



Dear Anonymous,


There are moments in time where your  life can get turned upside. You lose a love one, your relationship/marriage ends, or you lose your job. What do you do about it? ...Do you hold your feelings  in and deal with them subconsciously in your dreams? Do you allow it to make you depressed?  Do you become disconnected from the people around you?

We're gonna dive a little deeper into these three questions today.


Dreams: Dreams have a fucked up way of telling you how you are really feeling. they show you your deepest desire and they can show you your deepest fears. I believe That the feeling you choose not to express are the ones your dreams show you. (Story Time:) I was recently going through an emotional roll coaster with my partner. We live together, we see each everyday, but there are was no emotions, we don't sleep in the same bed as often as we use to, we don't kiss as much as we use to, and the spark is not like it use to be. I choose not to express those feelings, that I missed how we used to be, how I missed our friendship, that I wanted him to be next to me , that i wanted us to be better. I held all those feelings in until it overwhelmed me emotionally. I started to have dreams about the situation that led to the disconnect, remembering the good times we had and bad times that has come to past. I find myself waking up in the middle of the night to reach for him ,but no one is there. I found myself getting out of  bed to see if he was awake. I was sad about how things turned out between us. All of those feelings were building up in side of me, but I was too afraid of expressing myself, in fear that my partner would not respond the way I wanted him to. It wasn't until my dreams overwhelmed me and the current sleepless nights that I had to express myself. After, I was free of any unexpressed emotions. I felt like the biggest weight was lifted off my shoulders.

It is not easy, but it can become easier with practice. Start telling people how you are feeling and if they really care about you then they will listen. If they don't listen, then you know that person should not be in your life at this moment. Dreams have a funny way of showing you the truth, but you have to be able to learn from them. Dreams are your emotions that you are afraid to express, your desires you are afraid to  explore and your hopes you are afraid to make a reality in fear of failure. You have to act on your dreams or they will overwhelm you and sometimes make things worst than they appear, Don't be afraid to express your needs and wants, or they will consume you.

Depression: Depression is a son of a Bitch... Being depressed makes your whole world dark and gloomy. When things aren't going the way you want them to go, you become so cold and distant. how do you get out of that state of mind? You start by lowering your expectations, stop over thinking, and just let life guide you in the right direction. When you have such a high expectation about how your life should be, it can become overwhelming. You put your life on a time-frame and not open yourself up to other possibilities(e.g. finishing college, starting your career after graduating, becoming successful in the career you chose, becoming wealthy, buying a house, finding true love/marriage. or starting a family all by the age of 35.) How realistic is that, HONESTLY???

To answer your question, it is not realistic at all. Life has a funny way of creating your path. You may get pregnant before starting college, you may become successful in your career but it took awhile before you were making the money you wanted to make, you may get married, but the doctor tell you that you are sterile and you can not have your own children, you may not finish college when you want to, and you may not buy a house. You can control a lot of things in your life, but some things you can not control. Stop putting a time frame on your life. Take time to explore the wonders life  has to bring, the possibles that will present themselves to you when you least expect it. I am not saying it isn't a good thing to have life goals, but make sure those goals are adaptable. Do not let your high expectations consume you, because you will cause depression.

Disconnect: Being disconnected from society, your family, or your friends is taking the easy way out. Is that really the right things to do...How do we benefit from doing that. We all need time to relax and reflect on how our life is going. Some people turn to art, some people turn to games, some people turn to music and some turn to mediation, and some turn to friends. Then there are those who shut themselves off completely from people  in order to avoid confrontation, to avoid heartache, or to escape from the every day stress of the world. There should always be a time to self-reflect, but there should also be time for us to interact with others. Start by stepping outside your comfort zone. (e.g. getting a gym membership, going to the mall, have friends over for game night, spend to time with your family, go out to a bar with friends, pick up a hobby outside of work and home life, or going on a date) There should be at least one thing that is tangible that you have in you life to help you escape your mind. The first step is wanting it. You have to want to be more connect with others.You never know what surprises might be in store for you if you just try to reconnect with people, even the people that love and care for you.

The 3 D's : Dreams, depression and disconnection are all linked together. They are all manifestations of how you are feeling. It is completely up to you on how you deal with them.

I hope I was able to help you. I am always here if you need advice.

With Love,

Graham